His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
