The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
