She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
