Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
