Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
