I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
