He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
