FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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