hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
