I'm drive I can fine osifer
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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