I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
