no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
