i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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