Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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