just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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