I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
