Your face is a jimmy john
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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