I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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