just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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