You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i think my cat just said my name.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
