Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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