Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
