I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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