I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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