Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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