He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
