everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
