I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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