they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
