is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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