my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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