Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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