Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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