Sponge bath it is.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
