Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
