I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
