Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
