I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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