I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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