Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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