The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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