The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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