I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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