Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
