Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
