Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
