we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
