they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
