garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Can Purell be used as lube?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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