Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
